Many people misunderstand the phrase “inner child,” taking it literally rather than recognizing it as a metaphor. However, a metaphor is not real; it is simply a way of speaking. There is no actual “inner child” residing within you or anyone else.
Understanding Metaphors: A Higher-Level Perspective
A metaphor serves as a higher-level frame of reference (meta) that is applied (phroein) to provide meaning to something less understood. In metaphorical thinking, we use something tangible and sensory-based to help us grasp abstract or intangible concepts. For example, if we compare communication to war, we might say, “Be careful what you say in the meeting; your idea could get shot down.” If we compare communication to a dance, we might say, “We were in such sync with each other, it was like a tango.”
Similarly, the “inner child” metaphor is built upon two smaller metaphors: “inner” and “child.” The question then arises: What is this metaphor trying to help us understand? The answer is our thoughts, emotions, and memories. When we ask, “What is this emotion?” or “What is this memory I’m having?” we are using the metaphor of the “inner child” to make sense of our experiences.
Applying the “Inner Child” Metaphor
When we apply the “inner child” metaphor to our current thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, we are comparing our present experience to how we thought and felt as children. For example:
- “This is my younger self thinking, feeling, and acting.”
- “I am regressing to how I thought and felt when I was a child.”
By using this metaphor, we attempt to understand our reactions by linking them to our childhood experiences. However, metaphors also bring unintended implications, known as entailments, which can distort our understanding.
The Danger of Pushing the Metaphor Too Far
While the “inner child” metaphor can be helpful, taking it too literally can lead to problematic conclusions. For example, if we assume that simply “nurturing” our “inner child” will resolve emotional distress, we may overlook the possibility that some thoughts and emotions are simply childish and require discipline or maturity.
The greatest risk with any metaphor is forgetting that it is just a metaphor and treating it as literal reality. Many proponents of the “inner child” movement speak and behave as though an actual entity resides within them. This is a misunderstanding that takes us away from reality. There is no literal “inner child” inside anyone—only memories, emotions, and thought patterns from our past.
The Pitfall of Transactional Analysis (TA)
Transactional Analysis (TA) introduced a similar conceptual framework, dividing human behavior into three parts: Parent, Adult, and Child. This approach was intended to simplify psychoanalytic concepts like the superego, ego, and id. However, the repeated use of these labels led to people treating them as if they were actual entities within themselves. Again, these are merely ways of describing thought patterns, not real divisions of the mind.
Memory and Imagination: The True Nature of the “Inner Child”
If the “inner child” is not an actual entity, what is it? It is either a memory or an act of imagination. When we recall childhood experiences, we momentarily step back into that state—regressing to an earlier way of thinking and feeling. Similarly, we may imagine what it would be like to be a child again, particularly in times of stress when we revert to simpler coping mechanisms.
How to De-Metaphorize and Think Clearly
Metaphors, like nominalizations, are constructs we use to conceptualize abstract ideas. Just as we “de-nominalize” by breaking down false nouns into their underlying processes, we must also “de-metaphorize” to avoid misleading interpretations. To do this, ask yourself:
- In using this metaphor, what concept am I trying to understand?
- How does this metaphor help clarify the concept?
- In what ways does this metaphor fail to accurately describe the concept?
- How appropriate is the comparison between the metaphor and reality?
- What potential misunderstandings could this metaphor create?
By questioning our metaphors, we can avoid being misled by them and ensure that they serve as useful tools rather than distortions of reality.
Curated by Danielle Tan.
Reference:
- [Meta-Coaches] 2025 Morpheus #6 WHN A METAPHOR BECOMES TOXIC: — The Inner Child Metaphor by L. Michael Hall, Ph.D. Executive Director, ISNS.
