In Neuro-Semantics, we hold this principle to be foundational: As you think, so you communicate, so you act, so goes your life.
Thinking lies at the core of every human experience—it shapes the quality of your actions, your decisions, your productivity, and ultimately, your life. This is why, in Meta-Coaching, we go beyond just improving communication skills. We dive deeper—right into the realm of thinking.
Why? Because to get to the heart of change and transformation, we must get to the heart of thought.
Want Real Change? Focus on Thinking
If you want to truly understand your client, there’s a simple but powerful approach: focus on how they are thinking.
This goes beyond what they say or do—ask yourself repeatedly: “How is this person thinking?”
Without this awareness, you’re coaching in the dark. But with it, you can pace, guide, and influence more effectively. The question is—do you know how to uncover your client’s thinking patterns?
Tools to Explore Thinking
Using NLP and Neuro-Semantic models, you can explore your client’s thinking both directly and indirectly. Here are some powerful entry points:
- Sensory Representation (VAK):
How are you thinking in your mental movie—visually, auditorily, kinesthetically? - Cinematic Features:
How are you editing that movie—what’s in focus, what’s blurry, what’s amplified? - Perceptual Filters (Meta-Programs):
What habitual mental filters are shaping your perspective? - Language and Categories (Meta-Model):
How are you classifying, generalizing, or distorting your reality through language? - Reflexive Thinking (Meta-States):
What are you thinking about your thinking? At what levels are you reflecting? - Temporal Framing (Timelines):
How are you perceiving time—past, present, future—and how does that shape your choices?
Start with the Behavior
Observe any behavior or emotional response in your client and ask: “Given this behavior, how are you thinking?”
Examples:
- “You don’t seem able to turn inward—what are you thinking that’s stopping you? Would you like to explore that?”
- “You’ve been a salesperson for years, but now you’re in a leadership role. Are you still thinking like a salesman? Can we explore a new mindset for your new role?”
- “You say you procrastinate on your most important goals. How are you thinking that leads to that procrastination?”
These questions work best in a coaching space that feels safe and respectful—where openness, curiosity, and trust are present.
A Peek into Their Day
Another way to understand thinking patterns is to ask: “What do you do all day?”
A person’s daily activities often reveal their dominant thinking patterns:
- A customer service rep may engage in other-referenced thinking.
- A manager may use time-based efficiency thinking.
- An engineer likely relies on structural thinking.
- A dentist may focus on pain-reduction thinking.
- An entrepreneur might use opportunity-seeking thinking.
- A stay-at-home parent could be practicing multi-tasking thinking.
The kind of thinking a person does most often becomes habitual. These patterns then spill over into every area of life—health, relationships, work, and personal goals. But if someone lacks mental flexibility, they may struggle to shift when a new kind of thinking is required.
Thinking Habits: Helpful or Harmful?
Just as we develop behavioral habits, we also fall into patterns of thought. These thinking habits can be either helpful or limiting—especially when applied in the wrong context.
As a coach, when you notice a client’s habitual thought pattern, reflect it back gently:
- “It seems like you’re thinking in either-or terms—is that right?”
- “I wonder if you’re expecting perfection, needing everything to be flawless—could that be getting in the way?”
Ask, pause, and reflect. Then ask: “Could that be the problem?”
The Golden Question
Whether you ask it out loud or hold it silently as you coach, this question opens doors: “How is my client thinking?”
It invites curiosity. It deepens the conversation. And it just might lead you—and your client—to the breakthrough you’ve been looking for.
Curated by Danielle Tan.
Reference:
- [Certified_meta-coach] 2025 Morpheus #13 HOW IS YOUR CLIENT THINKING? by L. Michael Hall, Ph.D. Executive Director, ISNS.
