Mastering your emotions to enhance your emotional intelligence commences with acceptance as the inaugural stride. Without embracing your emotions, achieving control becomes unattainable. Why? Because what you refuse to accept, you relinquish control over. It perpetuates a detrimental cycle.
Next, delve into comprehension. Understanding why accepting your emotions is imperative unfolds the rationale behind it. You must decipher what message your emotions convey. As previously iterated, the mind and emotions coalesce into a singular process—the mind-body system. Thus, every thought intertwines with an emotion, and vice versa. This symbiosis becomes apparent with primary emotions: anger intertwines with angry thoughts, fear with fearful thoughts, and sadness with sad thoughts, and so forth. “As you think, so you feel.” While fundamental, it’s not the sole principle; numerous others exist.
The cognitive facet of each emotion elucidates its message. For instance, anger signifies a perceived violation of values, fear indicates danger or threat, and sadness denotes loss. However, the message remains indefinite, contingent upon your cognition, interaction, and context. Genuine threats, dangers, losses, or wrongdoings validate corresponding emotions, necessitating acknowledgment and appropriate action. Conversely, erroneous emotions demand scrutiny; succumbing to them may prove calamitous. Hence, exploration precedes understanding. Initiate with acceptance; by embracing the emotion, you can discern its essence and inquire, “What is the underlying message?” Evaluate three pivotal facets:
- Your thoughts. Analyze the cogitation precipitating the emotion. If flawed, childish, or antiquated, your emotions likewise err. Examine the maturity and accuracy of your thoughts. Are they current or relics from the past?
- Your body. Physical well-being profoundly influences emotional stability. Ailments, sleep deprivation, or poor diet exacerbate emotional volatility. Cultivate a sound mind in a healthy body; prioritize physical wellness to optimize emotional functioning.
- Your context. Emotions are context-sensitive, shaped by surroundings and social dynamics. Meaning and expression vary with context. Public constraints on emotional expression contrast with private liberties. Failure to reconcile workplace emotions at home can wreak havoc on domestic relationships. Explore to comprehend—this constitutes the second tenet of emotional management.
Another contributing factor lies in the tendency for individuals to tightly regulate their emotions in public settings compared to private ones. Thoughts or feelings deemed inappropriate for public display may find easy expression within the confines of one’s home. This self-censorship often delays transformative outcomes in therapy or coaching sessions, as individuals may not yet feel sufficiently secure to divulge their innermost thoughts and feelings. Consequently, negative emotions experienced at work, such as frustration, stress, embarrassment, anger, fear, insecurity, and anxiety, may inadvertently find release in inappropriate ways at home, directed towards partners or children. This pattern can precipitate a cascade of emotional challenges within the household. Thus, the exploration and understanding of emotions constitute a critical aspect of emotional management.
Curated by Danielle Tan.
Reference:
- [Neurons] 2024 Neurons #10 MANAGING EMOTIONS –II by L. Michael Hall, Ph.D. Executive Director, ISNS.
