Most of the problems of modern life from a psychological point of view require inner security. The sense of inner peace comes from within and can be seen on the outside. What does “inner security” mean, and how do we get it? In psychology, that’s the $64,000 question. Even in the area of psychology, there is still a lot of confusion about it, which is sad. Not in Neuro-Semantics, though.
In Neuro-Semantics, inner security is seen as a two-fold structure. We see it as a combination of the two most important and important parts of a person’s personality: being and doing. The “being” part of personality refers to the fact that you are a human being—a member of the human species and the human race, a human person with untold possibilities and a deep secret about your inner sense of self. The “doing” part refers to how each person comes into the world with a different set of skills, traits, and habits, as well as a different family background and national culture. All of these things then help a person grow in different ways. The doing part shows up in your mental, emotional, verbal, and behavioral traits, in your jobs and personas in society, and in your ability to study, learn, and adapt to your surroundings.
Who you are as a person includes both of these things: You as a human being and you as a human doing. Sadly, most families, schools, and cultures put almost all of their attention on what you do as a person and mistake that for your self-worth. “What do you do for a living?” we ask. “What school did you go to? What grades did you did? How much money do you make? What degrees do you have? How well off are you in terms of money? Etc.” We judge ourselves and others based on their looks, intelligence, strength, money, family, “race” (ethnic group), past, etc. This way of thinking puts people in boxes and leads to all kinds of biases because we choose to focus on some differences and ignore others.
To only be a human doing is an extremely limiting thing. It makes people’s lives worse, turns them into machines, and the only thing that makes them useful is what they can make. This takes away from the sacredness and mystery of being human and treats people like interchangeable parts of the social order. We are more than that, though. A lot more! And each person has a huge range of unrealized potentials that need to be nurtured and grown. Every kind of judging someone before getting to know them bounds and depersonalizes them.
What’s needed for inner security is to realize your unconditional value as a human being solely because you are a human being. Carl Rogers said that we should treat each other with “unconditional positive regard.” “Positive regard” is the attitude of respect and honor; it is the attitude of care and kindness. And “unconditional” means that it is not based on anything. It means to treat each other with care as human beings, for no reason other than the fact that each person is a human. Since this is true for everyone, it is also true for us. This is what it means to treat yourself with respect, honor, kindness, care, humanity, etc. This is what “self-esteem” really means.
If you think of self-esteem as being “unconditional,” that means it can’t be either high or low. It doesn’t get bigger, and it can’t get smaller. If something is absolute, it is just that. It is clear. It’s a part of being born. You can’t make it more or less. Really not! You can hurt yourself, yes. You can insult, criticize, or confuse yourself by what you do, how you feel, what you see, or how other people treat you. You can have a bad opinion of yourself, which is like living a lie. You are a person, and you are a fascinating person even when you don’t know it, when you’re feeling bad, or when you make a mistake. You don’t have to do anything to be a person.
Low self-esteem is your fallacious thinking and mis-understanding. So is high self-esteem. You’ve forgotten that nothing you do can make you more or less valuable as a person. You are telling yourself lies when you think and feel that way.
The structure of inner security is two-fold. First, it means claiming and expressing your natural worth and dignity as a person. The second part is using your freedom to think, feel, speak, act, and interact with others to become the best version of yourself. It means getting better at what you do and figuring out how to use your highest meanings and values to make your best results. If you do that, you’ll feel safe enough to live inside-out. Then you can grow as a person into the greatest and best versions of yourself.
Curated by Danielle Tan.
Reference:
- [Certified_meta-coach] 2023 Morpheus #24 THE STRUCTURE OF FEELING INWARDLY SECURE by L. Michael Hall, Ph.D. Executive Director, ISNS.
