The concept of “going inside” is at the heart of effective coaching. But why is this so crucial? While training often targets behavior—the “outer game” of actions and skills—coaching focuses on the “inner game,” the realm of meaning, values, identity, intentions, memories, and assumptions. It’s this inner game that ultimately shapes outward behavior. Sometimes, people know what they need to do but struggle to do it, and that’s where coaching becomes essential.
Exploring the Inner World
In coaching, we guide individuals into their inner world of thoughts, emotions, memories, and imaginations. Why venture inward? Because this is where decisions are made, intentions are formed, and permissions are granted. It’s within these belief structures that a person’s inner life takes shape and influences their reality. When this inner world is well-organized and healthy, making adjustments becomes straightforward.
However, if this inner world is dominated by limiting beliefs, restrictive decisions, prohibitive identities, or negative memories, motivating external behavior alone won’t lead to success. Change must start from within. The goal of coaching, then, is to facilitate meaningful internal transformation.
Challenges with Externally Oriented Leaders
The primary challenge with many leaders, especially those accustomed to driving external results, is that they often operate solely in the external world. They’re adept at managing roles, responsibilities, and reputations but may lack awareness of their inner selves. For some, their identity is inseparable from their job or role. This external orientation can make them effective in business yet disconnected from their own inner world.
Encouraging the Journey Inward
A common obstacle is getting leaders to explore this inner space. Many don’t know how to “go inside” or lack experience doing so. Some might resist out of fear, while others dismiss introspection as irrelevant. To guide them inward, ask questions about their beliefs, values, intentions, and memories. Expect initial resistance; they may redirect to external matters. Acknowledge their responses but gently steer the conversation back to their inner world. Ask probing, or “meta,” questions, repeating and rephrasing as needed to help them engage.
Creating a Safe Space for Emotion
Using your voice and tone can help induce the reflective state you’re inviting them into. Leaders, especially those unaccustomed to emotional conversations, may feel uncomfortable. Be patient and encourage them to explore these feelings. Challenge them compassionately to step into their full potential as leaders.
When a leader begins to express emotion, perhaps even apologizes for feeling vulnerable, celebrate this moment. Acknowledge it by saying something like, “Welcome to the human experience!” By directly addressing any internal prohibitions against vulnerability, you can help unlock a deeper sense of authenticity. Recognize this openness as a milestone.
Leading with Humanity
Once a leader connects with their inner self, they’re better equipped to lead with empathy, genuinely influencing the minds and hearts of their teams. Treating people as “replaceable parts” dehumanizes the workplace. Embracing a compassionate, people-centered approach fosters trust and motivates others to follow. In this way, organizations can transform for the better, guided by leaders who recognize the value of authentic human connection.
Curated by Danielle Tan.
Reference:
- [Certified_meta-coach] 2024 Morpheus #43 GETTING A LEADER TO GO INSIDE by L. Michael Hall, Ph.D. Executive Director, ISNS.
