The statistics are really disheartening. According to a study that was conducted not too long ago, 69 percent of individuals feel that they are stuck in the same old pattern, and only 3 out of 10 people are content with their lives. People have a sense that they are trapped. Some people feel like they are stuck in their careers and can’t change directions. Some people feel like they are stuck in their own lives.
Most of their time and energy is taken up by the daily grind. Their relationships, self-care, and personal goals get lost in the shuffle of the treadmill life. So, how exactly can you become unstuck when you’re stuck in life?
What Does It Mean to Feel Stuck?
How is it that a person gets stuck in life? What does this metaphor actually refer to and mean? Essentially it means that what they want, they cannot get. When the person sets a goal, works out a strategy, and then sets out to enact the solution, he finds himself doing something that does not work. He then repeats it and it still does not work. And the more it does not work, the more and harder he tries … only to discover that it still does not work. At that point, the person will often say, “I am stuck.”
Stuck in a Closed Feedback Loop
Now, being stuck can mean different things. In this case, the person is stuck in a very special way. He is stuck in a plan that isn’t working. She is stuck in a rut because she keeps doing the same things over and over again. She is stuck in a loop, doing the same thing over and over again without getting anywhere.
He has a V-K loop in his eating strategy. He sees (V) “delicious” food, especially sweets and desserts, and he immediately feels an impulse (K) to eat what he knows at some level in his mind he should not eat and that will not do him good in the long run. But he eats it anyway.
She is stuck in an Ad (language)—K- —Vc —K+ loop. She thinks and talks to herself (Ad) about how she is anxious or insecure (K-), constructs a movie of going to the mall and shopping for new clothes (Vc) and she then goes out to the mall. Later when she feels concerned about spending money on clothes she didn’t really need, she talks to herself (Ad) so her discomfort (K-) increases which then leads she to run the same strategy … over and over again.
Where exactly do these feedback loops fail, if at all? The core issue is that they are closed-loop systems. This is why the cycle continues. The end of the strategy triggers the beginning of the same strategy. The lack of external input, in the form of genuine feedback, compounds the issue. For this reason, it has become a self-reinforcing loop that ultimately achieves nothing.
So, what can be done to break the cycle of negative feedback? A number of options exist for fixing this problem.
Option 1: Interrupt the Strategy and Incorporate Feedback
The issue comes because we have established norms for doing things, whether it is making dietary decisions or managing uncomfortable emotions. Then we became accustomed to it, and the tactic became second nature, operating at the subconscious level to guide both our actions and our observations. Unfortunately, we are unable to see it at this time. Literally. However, we cannot see it. Therefore, pause the approach and inquire about the ecology, focusing on the long-term context. Consider this question: “Will continuing in this manner improve my life?” “Does it bring out my best?” That’s usually a good interruption.
Option 2: Paradoxically Prescribe the Symptom
Another solution is to paradoxically prescribe the very symptom which happens to be the problem. What this does is to make the experience the person is having conscious. Ask for no change. Just let it operate as usual with the additional factor of having the client do it on purpose (intentionally) which then makes him conscious of doing it. Paradoxically, this changes things considerable. He can no longer say, “I wasn’t aware. It just happened.”
Option 3: Go Down “The Rabbit Hole”
Go down “the rabbit hole” of your matrix of frames’ meaning dimension (your meta place) and see where it leads. What meta-level structure is holding the first level strategy in place? The question then becomes, what subsequent meta-level structure is keeping that belief, choice, knowledge, or whatever in place? Frame by frame, work your way up a person’s structure until you reach their final level. Take a step back once you get there to take a look at the ecosystem.
Final Thoughts
Getting stuck is never fun. It is never useful or productive. And getting stuck in a vicious loop can be maddening. As a Meta-Coach, learn about this form of being stuck and out to coach a person out of the loop. It will enhance your skills and confidence.
Curated by Danielle Tan.
Reference:
- [Meta-Coaches] 2022 Morpheus #48 STUCK IN A CLOSED FEEDBACK LOOP by L. Michael Hall, Ph.D. Executive Director, ISNS.
- https://www.lifehack.org/813291/how-to-get-unstuck-in-life
