Sometimes, when you start a coaching session and begin asking the Well-Formed Outcome questions, something interesting occurs. Your client may start answering some of the questions that you haven’t even asked yet. For example, they may mention obstacles or problems they face in reaching their goal even before you ask them if there’s anything that could stop them (#14). This is actually quite common and can happen frequently during coaching sessions. It’s like your client is anticipating the questions and offering information proactively. It’s amazing how the human mind works!
If you’re really listening to your client and paying attention, you might notice that they’re providing information even if it doesn’t directly answer the question you asked. You need to be open to this and “grab” the information they’re offering, because that’s what you’re trying to do when you ask well-formed outcome questions – gather information. So, make sure to gather all the information your client is sharing, even if it doesn’t exactly match the questions you asked.
So how can you do this? Just repeat back the information your client shared as a way of acknowledging it. This achieves a few things: First, it lets your client know that you’re really listening to them. Second, it validates the information they shared even if it doesn’t directly answer the question you asked. Third, by repeating back the information, you now have more information about what might be getting in the way of them achieving their goal, even before you ask the interference question.
Here are four actions you can take to actively listen and truly hear the answers:
#1. You need to be alert and attentive
You have to be open and flexible, ready to listen and receive information. It’s important to be familiar with the Well-Formed Outcome questions inside-out, which is why memorizing them is recommended. Over-learning these questions is key, which means learning them thoroughly, forwards and backwards, in the six sections they cover (subject, context, action, power, planning, resources, closing). By over-learning them, you make this information automatic and it becomes part of your background knowledge, so you can effortlessly recognize the answers to questions that haven’t been asked yet. It’s like building a strong foundation to enhance your ability to listen and respond effectively during coaching sessions.
#2. Hearing things that you might not have been able to hear before
Once you are familiar with the questions and can recognize the answers, you won’t miss the information when your client offers it. You will be prepared and capable of hearing things that you might not have been able to hear before. This is one of the benefits of being able to hear the answers – it helps you capture and utilize information that might have been overlooked previously.
#3. Pause and reflect
Another benefit of being able to hear the answers is that clients often have things on their mind and may start talking and sharing their thoughts, anticipating what they think you might want to know. They might go off on a tangent that leaves you feeling confused, thinking, “Where is this going? Why are they talking about this? It doesn’t seem to answer my question.” When this happens, or when you notice that your client is not directly answering your question, you can pause and reflect. Ask yourself, “What question is my client actually answering?” or “If they’re not answering the question I asked, what question are they answering?” This helps you gain clarity and understand the underlying message your client is trying to convey, even if it’s not exactly what you initially asked for.
#4. Listen to the recordings
Another reason to record your coaching sessions and listen to the recordings later is to catch things you might have missed during the session. Pay special attention to hints or statements made early on that you didn’t fully grasp until later. I’ve found that this is a great way to improve my listening skills. Often, I’m surprised to realize that if I had been more attentive, I would have picked up on patterns and frames earlier. Listening to the recordings helps me become more aware of my listening habits and allows me to fine-tune my skills for better understanding and communication.
Curated by Danielle Tan.
Reference:
- [Certified_meta-coach] 2023 Morpheus #16 HEARING THE ANSWERS by L. Michael Hall, Ph.D. Executive Director, ISNS.
