When clients seek coaching, they usually have some form of self-diagnosis about their lives, inner experiences, or what they believe they need. It’s natural to have some idea of what’s necessary, but often, when they sit down with you and you ask, “What do you want?” their response is, “I don’t know.” If you follow up with, “What’s stopping you from being your best self?” they might again say, “I don’t know.”
So, what should you, as a coach, do next? Are you stuck? Many coaches might feel that way. But let’s engage in some inferential thinking. From those two “I don’t know” statements, what can you infer? The first thing is that the client has exhausted their resources and options. They’ve tried to figure out what’s going on and what they need, but they haven’t found a solution.
You can infer this because, as humans, we have a range of needs that drive us to fulfill them. These are the basic deficiency needs identified by Maslow’s hierarchy. But which need is driving the client? They might not know, or they could be confusing one need with another (e.g., mistaking loneliness for physical hunger). A good starting point is the Hierarchy of Need Assessment Scale. [You received this when you became a Meta-Coach, along with a document explaining its use in coaching.]
As a coach, go through the list of needs with your client and discuss how they are addressing each one. This will help you understand their thinking—how they perceive, value, and believe in each need. This process allows you to assess the quality and accuracy of their thinking and uncover any misdiagnoses.
Since effective coaches help clients question their own thinking, Meta-Coaching uses Cognitive Distortions and Biases as a checklist for evaluating a client’s thought processes. [This is why they’re included in your ACMC manual and provided to clients.] It’s powerful to identify specific needs (e.g., sleep, nutrition, exercise, finances, etc.) and guide your client’s thinking about them by asking:
- What do you think about X? How do you think about it? What’s your understanding?
- What do you think about that thought?
- Are you exaggerating, personalizing, emotionalizing, or catastrophizing in your thoughts?
- Are you aware of any biases in your thinking?
This approach helps you catch misdiagnoses in your clients. When you understand that misdiagnoses often stem from cognitive biases, distortions, and fallacies, you realize the issue lies in how your client is thinking. Clients can easily misinterpret their own situations, and your role as a coach is to keep a critical eye on their thinking and help them learn to do the same. By doing so, you facilitate their ability to be open to change and unlock their potential.
Keep this question in mind: “What assumptions is my client making about themselves, their life, and their situation?” Using this question, you can explore the distinctions of the Meta-Model, Meta-Questions, Meta Place, etc.
- Is he assuming that what he calls something is what it is?
- Is he assuming that his description is accurate, precise and meaningful?
- Is he confusing his symptoms with the cause? Does he think the problem is his emotions?
- Is he reducing the problem to a single factor: “It is only X…” ∙ Is he using linear thinking: “It is either X or Y.”
- Is he defining X as outside his scope of responsibility? (e.g. blaming) ∙ Is he assuming that his memory is absolutely accurate and infallible?
- Is he over-optimistic and jumps to conclusions? Or pessimistic?
- Is he assuming that what he says and sees is all there is? (Availability bias)
- And so on.
The bottom line: Clients often misidentify the problem or the solution. Ask about these areas, but be skeptical of their answers. Respect their thoughts as legitimate but explore them with probing questions. By addressing the possibility that their thinking itself is the real issue, you challenge your client to engage in meta-thinking—thinking about their thinking.
Curated by Danielle Tan.
Reference:
- [Certified_meta-coach] 2024 Morpheus #33 CATCHING MIS-DIAGNOSES by L. Michael Hall, Ph.D. Executive Director, ISNS.
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