One important aspect of decision-making is the way we think about permission and prohibition.
- Prohibition thinking means you taboo, ban, forbid, or disallow certain things in your life. These could be emotions (fear, anger, sadness, insecurity), experiences (skiing, dancing, selling), or even beliefs and ideas. When something is prohibited, you are not okay with it — it’s simply “not allowed.”
- Permission thinking, on the other hand, is about allowing, acknowledging, and accepting. When you permit something, you give it space to exist in your reality.
However, there’s a common trap: pseudo-permissions. Many people mistakenly believe that giving permission means approving, condoning, or agreeing with something — even when it’s negative or immoral. That’s not true. Permission doesn’t mean approval; it means acceptance of reality as it is.
The Spectrum of Thinking
Here’s how the spectrum of prohibition and permission looks conceptually:
| Prohibit | Transition | Permit |
| Hate / Fear / Anger | Tolerate / Understand | Accept / Welcome |
| Dislike / Intolerance | Acknowledge | Put to good use |
| Ban / Forbid | Awareness | Create opportunity |
Prohibition closes possibilities. Permission opens them.
The World of Prohibition and Permission
From childhood, we’re taught what’s “off-limits.” Parents, teachers, and society condition us to prohibit certain things:
- Touching dangerous objects
- Going to forbidden places
- Saying inappropriate words
- Expressing certain feelings
Some prohibitions keep us safe, but many also limit what we allow ourselves to think, feel, or experience. As adults, this conditioning often continues unconsciously.
Consider the realities we face:
- We are fallible humans — we make mistakes, misjudge, and carry biases.
- We experience negative emotions like fear, anger, jealousy, and insecurity, which often signal something important.
- We live on an unstable planet where natural disasters occur.
- We are multi-motivated beings, sometimes conflicted or dysfunctional.
- We live among others where injustice, betrayal, and inequality exist.
These truths can’t be escaped through prohibition. They exist whether we acknowledge them or not.
How Prohibition Thinking Works
Prohibition thinking often operates as magical thinking — an unconscious attempt to escape reality:
- “If I forbid it, it doesn’t exist.”
- “If I refuse to acknowledge it, I’m protected from it.”
- “If I close my eyes, it will lose its power over me.”
But ignoring reality doesn’t make it disappear. On the contrary, denial traps you. You end up fighting against what is, which creates unnecessary suffering and internal conflict.
The Art of Giving Yourself Permission
Permission is not condoning. Permission is acceptance. It’s a three-stage process that leads to freedom, growth, and change.
Stage 1: Letting Reality Be
Accept what exists, as it is. Fighting against reality is a losing battle.
- Giving permission doesn’t mean you like it.
- It means you acknowledge it so you can move forward.
- This builds ego strength and clarity.
Stage 2: Stopping the Inner Fight
When you resist reality, you hurt yourself more. You bring the “bad thing” inside and make it part of your identity:
- “Why did this happen to me?”
- “I’ll never get over this.”
- “This is the end of my world.”
By personalizing pain, you deepen trauma. Permission releases this internal struggle and allows healing to begin.
Stage 3: Creating Change
Real change only comes after acceptance.
- You can’t change what you won’t acknowledge.
- You can’t grow while trapped in resistance.
- You gain choice when you allow yourself to see reality clearly.
Why Permission Is Liberating
Giving yourself permission — and helping clients or others do the same — is an act of health and self-actualization.
- It frees you from unnecessary internal battles.
- It removes unconscious frames that imprison you.
- It gives you choice, clarity, and peace of mind.
Ultimately, permission thinking empowers you to live more authentically, face reality without fear, and create meaningful change.
Curated by Danielle Tan.
Reference:
- [Certified_meta-coach] 2025 Morpheus #36 PERMISSION / PROHIBITION THINKING by L. Michael Hall, Ph.D. Executive Director, ISNS.
