Working full-time while raising a family can be challenging to pull off. Working parents sometimes feel like they’re letting down their family or not getting where they want to go in their careers.
When it comes to finding and maintaining a healthy balance for yourself, your children and even your company, one of the crucial things to do is managing the expectations, both home and at work. Working parents may experience burnout or conflicts in their personal and professional relationships if their expectations aren’t clearly defined. Managing expectations can be challenging, but that is the first step to achieving the changes you want to see at home and at work. Here are the 4 tips to manage those expectations, give yourself a break, and cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself and your family.
#1. Expectations for Yourself
Before you can confidently set your boundaries, you need to know who you are and what you want. If you don’t have a clear picture of what your life to be like as a working parent and where you want it to lead you to, emotions can get in the way of logic, and it’s easy to get caught up in trying to please someone else instead of doing what’s best for you.
And sometimes perfectionism sneak into our parenting beliefs. “All I want to do is be the best parent I can be.” Or “I want my house to be clean at all time”. The problem is “striving to be the best you can”, with lack of self-care will not be ecological in the long run and it burns you out quickly. Clutter, chaos, and noise are just part of life, so just let them be.
Instead, set realistic goals. You will be able to organize your resources effectively, determine whether you are making progress toward your objectives as a working parent, and have the peace of mind that comes with knowing you are headed in the right direction.
Knowing what to focus on, prioritize, and delegate or let go is the key.
#2. Expectations at Work
We deal with work expectations by taking a realistic look at our situation. We don’t have to give up on our work goals just because we are now parents. Sit down with your manager and the other members of your team, and let them know that you are passionate about your profession and the goals you have set for yourself linked to your work. After that, disclose openly how your obligations to your family relate to these priorities.
It is possible that your teammates will not support the life you are committed to establishing for yourself, but it is something you should expect. If you are able to get a sense of where everyone stands, you will have the information you need to make the most informed decision possible regarding how to go with your professional life.
#3. Expectations with Your Spouse
Have an open and honest conversation with your partner or spouse about the shared priorities you both share for your children.
For example, if you and your spouse agreed that it is important for at least one parent to be present at significant occasions in the life of your child, you should look for ways to share the responsibilities of these commitments. Share as much of the housework and child care as you can with your partner or spouse. Don’t try to do it all on your own.
It will be difficult to achieve your goals if your partner is unwilling to do the same, and this could lead to resentment between the two of you. Because parenting is a collaborative effort, it enables two working parents to better organize their time in a manner that is congruent with their goals.
#4. Expectations with Your Children
Openly discuss the pressures you face and the things you actually desire with your children as soon as they can understand. However, avoid playing the victim at all costs. You can’t fix problems by blaming your organization for your lack of flexibility or stress at home. You don’t want to instill a fear of work in your children. Instead, model by example.
Recognize the responsibilities you’ve taken on, both at work and at home. Help your children understand that the time you spend away from them isn’t just “time away”, but it’s something you care about that also makes your home a better place for your family to be.
Reward Yourself as You Progress
The search for balance as a working parent is never-ending, and it takes ongoing awareness and communication. However, if one is skilled and has a goal, one can achieve balance. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you progress, and keep track of all the good things that happen. When you reward the little pieces that are working, you begin to find a sense of balance.
Curated by Danielle Tan.
Reference:
- https://hbr.org/2018/08/4-conversations-every-overwhelmed-working-parent-should-have
- 2021 Neurons #62 Striving for Excellence and other Foolish Acts by L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.
